i know youre all pissing your pants off, waiting for 'the formation of damnation', but patience rewards the patient. or something like that. in other words, WAIT. i will tell you about my day (which will be unimportant as compared to my biography) first, then you can have your reward. though you can completely skip this part by scrolling down, i dont care.

many people didnt come today. well only 2 didnt, but still. pei poong and pivian. sigh, pei poong.

anyway, science was troublesome since must copy everything in the notes which i, obviously, didnt do. somemore get chosen to read once then must take hadis (who was sitting beside me) notes. then we all asked a shitload of shit questions.

then suddenly xie come and tell us hand in art, which i didnt even bring home. chionged and managed, though my second one was better for some reason. took the whole recess. sigh.

then chinese, i dunno lah.

then maths, tragedy occurred. my pen broke. the ball came out, forming a string, which was damn weird. sigh, now i need to save money for a few weeks to buy another pen. luckily weixuan gave me a pen lulz.

after tragedy, shall come miracles. which was what happened to me. pei poong came back! wow. isnt that awesome. all of us squealed in delight when we knew that he was back. well, i did, and maybe you did too, but i dont care about you.

then smart class, just wasted time.

then when coming home, saw an open door that said 'door to be closed at all times'. fail.

ok heres the part youve been waiting for (maybe not if you just skipped everything). anyway, here goes. hold on to your seats (and minds).

the formation of damnation (with the underline as well, since i still dont know how the fuck to underline stuff)

ok, you done turning the page? good job! you are now qualified to read the rest of this book! well, maybe not, but i dont care. you bought this book anyway, and thats all that matters.

anyway, this chapter will cover how mc, the beast, not the abbreviation, was formed, hence the title.

once upon a time, in a nonexistent country called jibalalooza, africa, africa, northern hemisphere, earth, solar system, milky way, whatever this place is called, universe, a little baby is born. he is no more than 2 inches long, a perfectly normal size for babies in that nonexistent country. his mother, a careless little woman, is well, careless, dropping him as a baby headfirst a total of _6_ times. this is the key point of the mutation, since 1 drop will result in a slight dent, 2 will result in nose cancer, 3 will result in amputation of the left leg, 4 will result in growing an extra vagina on the head, 5 will result in a twisted neck, somewhat like the picture below (do remember that its not the cover of my book, its not that shitty),



6 will result in, you guessed it (or maybe not), mentally challengedness like the picture below (not drawn to scale),



and lastly, 7 will result in nothing at all. more than 7, you ask? well, thats impossible, since the laws of physics do not allow babies to drop more than 7 times. instead they will explode at a velocity of 3^8+10/72 km/s, affecting a 73 mile radius. to prevent this, wear gloves.

and so the quest begins for the mentally challenged kuriava (yes, thats his name). he enrols in some random primary school... oh africa doesnt have schools. anyway, he doesnt go to school, worsening his mentally challenged condition. when he reaches the age of 7, a mcdonalds store opens up in the middle of the desert, right beside his little attap hut, somehow specially set up just for him and his family of 56. little kuriava takes an immediate obsession with mcdonalds food, although he has no money whatsoever and has never tried it. below is a picture of that outlet.



although i dont know why mcdonalds has a red outline and is transparent, it still is cool.

anyway, during the annual celebration of poverty held by the noncorrupt government to celebrate well, them being poor while being rich, 9yearold kuriava is chosen to be the master of ceremony (mc). he loved it and wanted to be a mc when he grew up, until 14 years later when he realised that mc was NOT a job. he pondered over it, forgot about it for a while, then remembered again, then forgot, then remembered. he cried. he then began to take a liking to mc escher the surrealist, since his feeble mind was unable to process the unusual elements of his sketches and therefore gave him a feeling that equalled being 'high'. also, since he was mentally challenged, he liked rap music. his favorite rapper was mc hammer (pictured below),


many people have tried to no avail to copy his badassness. above is a little guide to avoid mistaking mc hammer for something else. if you thought that the picture on the left was mc hammer, please beat yourself with a rotten tuna.

whom he constantly attempted to sing along with the lyrics but ended up saying sounds like, 'shabladooleba jomagananjaninni josephisawesomeandwillwriteabookaboutmeinthefuture mashakanunabir'.

he soon got a job as a desert cleaner, disposing of any dirty sand he could find, but was told to ignore any rubbish or litter that got in his way. the heat that was constantly radiating towards him gave him a heat stroke, so he had to be taken to a doctor, which was roughly 9,572 miles away. riding a bicycle made of some paper and sticks, he made it there in 23 minutes, although i dont know how he did it with his heat stroke and all. he got an mc and went back home, since he was feeling hungry for some table. he plugged in his earpieces (with nothing attached to it), listened to some mc hammer classics such as 'u cant touch this' and 'too legit to quit' and rode back to the mcdonalds outlet near his home, which was on the verge of bankruptcy due to tables mysteriously being eaten away.

this is where the turning point begins.

as soon as he entered mcdonalds, the dent in his head popped back out. his nose and left leg grew back. the vagina on his forehead which was always giving him a constant itch disappeared. lastly, his neck returned back to normal. but he still remained mentally challenged. then something dreadful happened. he mutated. the mc hammer songs in his head merged with the impossible figures of mc escher, the medical certificate diffused into his flesh, being one with him. the mcdonalds store imploded into him, as well as his dreams of being an mc. below is a rough sketch (well, paint drawing) of the mutation that took place.



damnation had formed.

like the intro, wasnt that awesome? watch out for the next chapter of the book, titled 'the rampage of a beast'. dont forget to buy this book on the 47th of august! well, if you dont, then, ill threaten you by shouting at your face repeatedly till you buy it.

until next time! goodbye, kids! dont miss me! no, actually, miss me, since that way, ill get more attention when i come back. bye!